Coffeehouse Date

Preston has made an almost full recovery. Green goopy diapers are still going on and diaper changes have turned into something of a traumatizing experience. That diaper rash of his is fighting to stay on his bum with a vengeance. Otherwise he is on the upswing. We are relieved and trying to slip back into our old routine.

I wrote the post below before he was sick. The Hubs and I went on a date. I was just sitting and reflecting on motherhood and the state of my life. I thought I might want to read back on it, so here it is. 

This cup of coffee happened. As our grandma took over Preston watching duties, We (Hubs and I) went to a nearby cafe, sat down with a cup of coffee and ate delicious Italian pastry, lingering on every bite (because who knows the next time we can do this again?!)  He studied a little, then took a nap on my lap as I was typing away my inner monologue that has produced this entry. Let me tell you, it felt glorious.  We are currently in the throes of Preston's worst night wakings where he has been waking every 2-3 hours. One night of poor sleep can be recovered by an extra dose of caffeine. Multiple nights of interrupted sleep? That wreaks havoc on your entire day, physically and emotionally, and I know it sounds crazy, but this day has been a long time in the dreaming.

Which brings me to this thought:  Being with a baby every minute of every day is beautiful but also complicated. You want to be present  in every moment you spend with your child , but you also desperately feel the need to weave in "me time" and step away from diaper changes and mealtime disaster cleanups to refuel. By "refuel" I mean have those quiet, reflective periods where you can actually hear your own thoughts.

And these periods are essential to me. These are the times I remind myself that dedicating all my energy to my child, my husband, and my home is not only doing good but doing work that's essential. My role as mother and wife does have an impact. I enable my husband to do his work well.  I'm responsible for someone's whole childhood. I know it is a gift to be present in their lives every day, and when I reach an old, ripened age, I know that  it will be the memories of those tender moments with my family that will be a barometer of a life well lived.

It's these thoughts that help dissipate my emotional heap of wariness, worry, and exhaustion and empowers me to carry forth in the midst of days that are mayhem.